Imperfectly Perfect!

A tiny gap
of hope perhap
a restlessness
kindling aggress
a second soul
urging hold
calming me
unseen to see
is life perfect
or halfway met?

Meri Galat Fahmi..

Tujhko benuks samjha
chaha
sar aankhon pe maana
aasmaan pe bithaya..
chaand bhi wahin tha
bola
yeh kya cheez hai
jab main hi kabhi
benuks na ban paya..

Teri Mohabbat..

Ai mard tune mohabbat ki to zaroor
kabhi meri adaa
kabhi shayad mere man se
aur kabhi mere khubsurat badan se..

Mujhe aurat tune samjha zaroor
magar insaan bhi hoon main
yeh tu gaya kyon bhool
maine woh har kaam kiya
jo tu kar sakta hai
magar kabhi izzat ke mujhko
na tune samjha quabil..

Apne ghar me tan ke tu laya mujhko
magar yeh soch kar ki  kar liya tune haasil mujhko
baraabar apne kabhi na samjha tune mujhko
kaash tu bhi mujhko apna raazdaar maanta
jaan jaata ki tere apne ghar me ek kohinoor tha..

Mohabbat..

Mohabbat us aasmaan se girti pani ki boond ki tarah hai
zameen me samaane ki chaah me jisko maut bhi manzoor hui..

Manzoor Nahin..

Tum mujhe mehaz mehbooba samjho
yeh mujhe manzoor nahin

Ta umr saath nibhane ki baat kahi maine
doston ki mehfil ke liye tum mujhko chod do
yeh mujhe manzoor nahin

Maine tumhare dil ki mehfil ko sajaya hai
mujhko mehaz ghar ki sajawat bana ke rakh do
yeh mujhe manzoor nahin

Maine tumko mehboob, humsafar aur dost bhi mana
tum mujhko mehaz biwi banado 
yeh mujhe manzoor nahin

Maan na hai to tum bhi mujhko sab kuch maano
fakat naam ke liye humsafar kehdo
yeh mujhe manzoor nahin

You and I

Kya tujh pe bhi wohi udaasi chaayi hai
jo teri judaai me mujh me samaayi hai
kya tu bhi ghira hai logo se magar phir bhi tanhayi hai
kya tujh ko bhi lagta hai apni quaid me hi apni rihaayi hai..

You and I

Quiet contemplation and Open expression

Analysis and synthesis

Cerebral and emotional
Reason and Intuition

You and I..

Of diverse conversations

Of varied perspectives

Of agreed disagreements

Of verbal lovemaking

You and I..

Of Intense thought

Of Clarity sought

Of Lessons learnt

Of Lessons taught

You and I..

Of flow

Of understanding

Of experience

Of growth

You and I..

Serious and playful

Careless and careful

Timid and heady

Excitable and steady

You and I..

Mutually perfect

Left foot right foot

Complimenting

Making complete

You and I..

You and I

Pyaar ko zindagi me aane de
is tarah khud ko mehroom na kar
mohabbat tujh ko dete dete
kya pata main bhi kuch paa jaun..

Kuch nahin chaha badle me maine tujhse
is tarah pyaar ke ehsaas se na dar
yaar tujh pe marte marte
kya pata main bhi kuch jee jaun..

Itni mehar kar tu mujh par
is tarah mod na mujh se nazar
tere tufaano se ladte ladte
kya pata main bhi kuch thamee jaun..

Mujh ko bana le apna langar
is tarah behte behte jayega kidhar
tujh ko thehrav dete dete
kya pata main bhi kuch thehartee jaun..

You and I

Main pyar nahin na sahi aapka
jo na chute woh aadat hi bana lo

Main khuda nahin na sahi aapka
ruh se nikli ibaadat hi bana lo

Haq samjho mujh par wahi
jo khud par haq rakhte ho

Main mallika nahin dil ki na sahi 
mujhko apni riyaasat hi bana lo..

You and I

Ah! You and I

Two halves of the same pie

Our bond, our affection

Of near perfection

Of love, understanding and mutual accord

Of no marital vow, no record

No ceremony

And yet

Completely in harmony

Tied

Never to be severed

By an invisible umbilical chord

Passing on to each other

What the other longs

Completing each other

Like an unsolved puzzle

Ah! You and I

Two halves of the same pie

We hold hands

And we look into the eye

And somehow

Time just goes by

Your shy smile

Makes me smile

Myself a little shy

You complete my thought

Just as I complete yours

You are my guide

I look up to you with pride

You are subtle

And I bring up a rustle

You calm my nerves

And I bring you out of your reserves

Ah! You and I

Two halves of the same pie

I wish to die

In your loving arms

Forever glowing

Forever knowing

We were always

A single being

Ah! You and I

Two halves of the same pie

Apne Jeene ka Andaaz!

Bas ek ek pal zindagi ko jeena hai.......jo mile usme khush rehna hai
koi ummeed nahi, na koi intezaar.......waqt ke bahaav me behna hai

You and I

Intezaar hai mujhe, Ki tujhe bhi woh mehsoos ho jo main mehsoos karti hoon

Pyar hai mujhe, Ki  tere liye aaj main apne aap ko mehfoos karti hoon

Nahi hai tujhe, Pyar mujhse is waqt to na sahi

Ummeed hai mujhe, Ki mohabbat hogi tujhe mujhse bhi kabhi

Ja choda tujhe, Ki tu khud hi laut aayega

Yaad karna mujhe, ishq jab tujhe bhi satayega

Tadapna hai mujhe, Agar yehi meri kismet me hai likha

Na aana hai tujhe, to mera pyar bhi tujhe waapas na la payega

Jeena hai mujhe, To main kal bhi jee rahi thi

Jeena hai mujhe, To main kal bhi jeeti jaungi

Paaya agar tujhe, To marne ka mazaa bhi kuch aur hoga

Na paaya agar tujhe , To zindagi saanson ke chalne ka bas daur hoga.

You and I

Aise ek shaqs se achanak mile hum
zindagi ke jisne maine badal diye
khud par bharosa gava chuke the hum
Woh aaya aur usne aaine badal diye..

You and I

Hum do kadam saath bhi na chale the
ki manzilon ki fikar sataane lagi tumhe
Tanha tum bhi the aur tanha hum bhi
to kyon kar fikre safar na kiya..

Sher arz hai..

Socho kis daur se guzri hoon main
kis tarah giri hoon aur kis tarah ubhri hoon main
tinka tinka marti rahi
magar pal pal jee hoon main..

Known Vs The Unknown!

Two situations. One, well researched, well documented, evidence driven, 'fact' and the other a practically and relevantly unknown and yet a prominent and consistent occurrence.

My theory; the so called 'fact' is contaminated by the human 'intellect' and thereafter presented before us as having 'proof' of its existence and answering questions such as 'why' and 'how' and since the so called 'proof' is given by the 'scientific fraternity', it becomes 'real'.

And since there are many many more unknown occurrences happening everyday in our lives, and because there is no intervention of human intellect in their happening, they become 'unbelievable' and therefore 'not reality'. They just are called co-incidences.

Now the essential question? What then is reality really? My answer: to some a proof driven 'fact' and to some an acceptance of everything with or without proof. No analysis and therefore no paralysis! The realms of the so called 'reality' are not limited.

Whatever it is, it just is!

You and I

Life erupts into life in a strange manner,
without an inclination, without no banner;
I was living like a zombie, oh so lifeless!
and you slipped into my life without no stress;
I wonder what our relationship is all about?
its so unbelievable, so unreal, without no doubt;
I hope you stay, for us to see the stars of eternity together,
and life will itself become eternal without no wither.

Shayari

Ghumo ne zindagi ke hamara muskurana bhula diya, 
Ek din hum bhi aisa muskuraye ki ghumo ko rula diya..

You and I

My relationship with you is not about expensive dinners, movies or outings; not at all about material things. It is about simple said and unsaid conversations, about understanding and acceptance that you and me can share. I do not ask for the star; I only seek care.

Failing Relationships!

They say expectation is the root cause of failing relationships. I think otherwise. I think the most strongest of relationships are those where people are free to expect from each other. They are not afraid of expecting and being expected of. And this, along with open and transparent communication makes lasting relationships.

Shayari

Jaane kahan kho gayi meri pehchaan hai

Parchai bhi meri meri gumshudgi pe hairaan hai

Zindagi ki dhoop ne beshaq mere aks ko di hai gehrai

Magar mera hi andar ho gaya mujhse veeran hai

The Positive Side of Being an Escapist!

I admit I am a compulsive escapist. Before circumstance can even think of making me stuck in a situation, I bolt. Well, call it whatever, I hate being stuck -  whether it is a situation or a difficult relationship!

I have been bound in 'holy' matrimony thrice. Yeah, you heard it right, thrice! I call it 'holy' not because of the sacred ceremonies we Hindu's 'go through' to be married, but because, for me, the coming together of two souls was sacred. Each time. No doubt!

I have this amazing sixth sense which gives me an indication of a stuck situation to come, long before it actually comes. This happens every time. It happened in all the three marriages I was in. But, like a normal human being, I, many a time, in many other situations, chose not to listen to my sixth sense. And then, again like a normal human being, I regret not having listened to it. Thankfully, this did not happen with my marriages!

Here is a friend's story I need to tell you before we proceed with mine. Married for ten years, having a baby boy and stuck in rut. That is the short of a long story. Stuck because the indications came long before the sticky situation did. Stuck because she chose to ignore those indications. We Indian women are taught in our maiden homes to 'ignore', especially when it comes to shortcomings of our respective spouses. There is a very popular word in Hindi called 'nibhana'. What it essentially means is 'keeping the treaty'. Whether you like it or not, get on with the marriage no matter what!

That she did. And today, she is in a pathetic situation. All because she was keeping the treaty. All because even when she knew, she chose not to know. All because she did not want to look like an escapist!

Back to me. Yep, am an escapist and I have no regrets. We all have but one life. I choose to give it all to a relationship, and I did with all my heart and soul. But if nature gives me indications of things going wrong, of the possibility of me getting stuck in a bad marriage, I chose to take action and get out. Today I am a happy single mother. Today, the world thinks of me as an escapist, but I think of me as somebody who took the right action at the right time.

If that is escapism, so be it!

Loveless!

I have been feeling ‘emotionless’ lately. And by ‘emotionless’ I mean ‘loveless’. That is the only emotion worth having anyways. And when this emotion is gone, everything is gone. I feel so empty. There was a time when I was in love all the time. Not necessarily with a man. I was in love with everything life had to offer. I was in love with life itself. But now, there is a void, an abyss, in which I am slowly but steadily sinking.

I miss the feel of butterflies in my stomach, I miss the goose bumps, I miss the miss of my heartbeat and I miss being alive. I want to be hugged and loved. I want to feel needed. I want to feel cherished. I want to feel important for someone. I just want to love and be loved. 

So good were the years when I was young and careless. When life’s adversities did not touch me. The hardships were there, but I was still hopeful. I was still waiting. Since a very young age, I was in love with love. I knew, and knew for sure, that there was a someone special made for me. Someone who I was born for. My soulmate. My partner in life and hopefully in death and thereafter too.

I was waiting and I was hopeful and THAT kept me alive. Ever since that wait has ended, ever since that hope has vanished, I feel dead. Everything that kept me going, is now gone. How am I to live the rest of my life? How am I to survive?

I have had many relationships. I have been in love with many men. And my love for each of these men has been true and deep, from the time it started until the time it lasted. And with each ending relationship, a part of me died. 

There was a time when my eyes fell upon the beauty of nature and my heart rejoiced at the sight. Like a little child, I wondered at the slightest of nature’s sights and sounds. The happiness that I used to feel in those moments is indescribable. Where is that little child in me gone?

Every person I meet these days is looking for love. People who have been married for years, people in relationships and people in love are looking for love. What is it exactly that all these people are looking for? Why are we humans a dissatisfied lot? Why does the grass seem green on the other side all the time?

Is it not strange that the entire world wants to love and be loved and yet each one of us feels deprived? It is like living in the midst of an ocean and yet dying of thirst!