Sher arz hai..

Socho kis daur se guzri hoon main
kis tarah giri hoon aur kis tarah ubhri hoon main
tinka tinka marti rahi
magar pal pal jee hoon main..

Known Vs The Unknown!

Two situations. One, well researched, well documented, evidence driven, 'fact' and the other a practically and relevantly unknown and yet a prominent and consistent occurrence.

My theory; the so called 'fact' is contaminated by the human 'intellect' and thereafter presented before us as having 'proof' of its existence and answering questions such as 'why' and 'how' and since the so called 'proof' is given by the 'scientific fraternity', it becomes 'real'.

And since there are many many more unknown occurrences happening everyday in our lives, and because there is no intervention of human intellect in their happening, they become 'unbelievable' and therefore 'not reality'. They just are called co-incidences.

Now the essential question? What then is reality really? My answer: to some a proof driven 'fact' and to some an acceptance of everything with or without proof. No analysis and therefore no paralysis! The realms of the so called 'reality' are not limited.

Whatever it is, it just is!

You and I

Life erupts into life in a strange manner,
without an inclination, without no banner;
I was living like a zombie, oh so lifeless!
and you slipped into my life without no stress;
I wonder what our relationship is all about?
its so unbelievable, so unreal, without no doubt;
I hope you stay, for us to see the stars of eternity together,
and life will itself become eternal without no wither.

Shayari

Ghumo ne zindagi ke hamara muskurana bhula diya, 
Ek din hum bhi aisa muskuraye ki ghumo ko rula diya..

You and I

My relationship with you is not about expensive dinners, movies or outings; not at all about material things. It is about simple said and unsaid conversations, about understanding and acceptance that you and me can share. I do not ask for the star; I only seek care.

Failing Relationships!

They say expectation is the root cause of failing relationships. I think otherwise. I think the most strongest of relationships are those where people are free to expect from each other. They are not afraid of expecting and being expected of. And this, along with open and transparent communication makes lasting relationships.

Shayari

Jaane kahan kho gayi meri pehchaan hai

Parchai bhi meri meri gumshudgi pe hairaan hai

Zindagi ki dhoop ne beshaq mere aks ko di hai gehrai

Magar mera hi andar ho gaya mujhse veeran hai

The Positive Side of Being an Escapist!

I admit I am a compulsive escapist. Before circumstance can even think of making me stuck in a situation, I bolt. Well, call it whatever, I hate being stuck -  whether it is a situation or a difficult relationship!

I have been bound in 'holy' matrimony thrice. Yeah, you heard it right, thrice! I call it 'holy' not because of the sacred ceremonies we Hindu's 'go through' to be married, but because, for me, the coming together of two souls was sacred. Each time. No doubt!

I have this amazing sixth sense which gives me an indication of a stuck situation to come, long before it actually comes. This happens every time. It happened in all the three marriages I was in. But, like a normal human being, I, many a time, in many other situations, chose not to listen to my sixth sense. And then, again like a normal human being, I regret not having listened to it. Thankfully, this did not happen with my marriages!

Here is a friend's story I need to tell you before we proceed with mine. Married for ten years, having a baby boy and stuck in rut. That is the short of a long story. Stuck because the indications came long before the sticky situation did. Stuck because she chose to ignore those indications. We Indian women are taught in our maiden homes to 'ignore', especially when it comes to shortcomings of our respective spouses. There is a very popular word in Hindi called 'nibhana'. What it essentially means is 'keeping the treaty'. Whether you like it or not, get on with the marriage no matter what!

That she did. And today, she is in a pathetic situation. All because she was keeping the treaty. All because even when she knew, she chose not to know. All because she did not want to look like an escapist!

Back to me. Yep, am an escapist and I have no regrets. We all have but one life. I choose to give it all to a relationship, and I did with all my heart and soul. But if nature gives me indications of things going wrong, of the possibility of me getting stuck in a bad marriage, I chose to take action and get out. Today I am a happy single mother. Today, the world thinks of me as an escapist, but I think of me as somebody who took the right action at the right time.

If that is escapism, so be it!

Loveless!

I have been feeling ‘emotionless’ lately. And by ‘emotionless’ I mean ‘loveless’. That is the only emotion worth having anyways. And when this emotion is gone, everything is gone. I feel so empty. There was a time when I was in love all the time. Not necessarily with a man. I was in love with everything life had to offer. I was in love with life itself. But now, there is a void, an abyss, in which I am slowly but steadily sinking.

I miss the feel of butterflies in my stomach, I miss the goose bumps, I miss the miss of my heartbeat and I miss being alive. I want to be hugged and loved. I want to feel needed. I want to feel cherished. I want to feel important for someone. I just want to love and be loved. 

So good were the years when I was young and careless. When life’s adversities did not touch me. The hardships were there, but I was still hopeful. I was still waiting. Since a very young age, I was in love with love. I knew, and knew for sure, that there was a someone special made for me. Someone who I was born for. My soulmate. My partner in life and hopefully in death and thereafter too.

I was waiting and I was hopeful and THAT kept me alive. Ever since that wait has ended, ever since that hope has vanished, I feel dead. Everything that kept me going, is now gone. How am I to live the rest of my life? How am I to survive?

I have had many relationships. I have been in love with many men. And my love for each of these men has been true and deep, from the time it started until the time it lasted. And with each ending relationship, a part of me died. 

There was a time when my eyes fell upon the beauty of nature and my heart rejoiced at the sight. Like a little child, I wondered at the slightest of nature’s sights and sounds. The happiness that I used to feel in those moments is indescribable. Where is that little child in me gone?

Every person I meet these days is looking for love. People who have been married for years, people in relationships and people in love are looking for love. What is it exactly that all these people are looking for? Why are we humans a dissatisfied lot? Why does the grass seem green on the other side all the time?

Is it not strange that the entire world wants to love and be loved and yet each one of us feels deprived? It is like living in the midst of an ocean and yet dying of thirst!

Main to Behta Pani Hoon!

Main to behta pani hoon, jis rang chaho us rang rang jani hoon
Chahe giru aasman se, chahe bahu jharno me
aakhir to main behta pani hoon..

Roko na tum mujhko, behne do apni masti me
isi bahaav ki main bas rani hoon
aakhir to main behta pani hoon..

Rukna mera hai namumkin, bas behna mera karm
jo kabhi khatm na ho, main aisi ek kahani hoon
aakhir to main behta pani hoon..

Kabhi behta lahu, kabhi girta paseena
kabhi aankhon ki hairani hoon
aakhir to main behta pani hoon..