My heart bleeds..

My heart bleeds when you speak to another
of what you feel

My heart bleeds when you look at another
and say a thousand words

My heart bleeds when you embrace another
and give away your warmth

My heart bleeds when you think of another
and wander away

My heart bleeds when you want another
and not me

I am not selfish
and even when I am treated like this
I shall pray for you
May all that you want come true

I thought I was irreplaceable in your life
but you slashed my belief
when you cheated on me
giving me immense grief

I wish to live with you
till the time either of us would live
I wish to love you
till I perish I would give

My love for you
will never die my love
but how do I live
when you said you want to move

Life has to go on
and I shall not stop living
but I feel so forlorn
my life just has no meaning

Your heart wanders
to find greener pastures
and my heart hallucinates
for the green in the togetherness of our fates..

I still remember..

I still remember

the time

When you shared Your life with me

I still remember

the time

When you cared,

And found your solace with me

I still remember

the time

When you bared Your soul to me

And now..

I would have to remember

When you went around

Finding solace in someone else

I would have to remember

When you went around

Finding someone to complain about me

I would have to remember

When you went around

Asking someone else to hug you

Oh God! What do I do?

How do I erase what I always felt for you?

How do I bear this pain?

I loved you so much, was I insane?

Why did you do this to me?

Was my love so difficult for you to see?

Tell me..

How do I hate you?

How do I forgive you?

How do I forget you?

How do I NOT LOVE YOU?

Marriage

We go through many ups and downs
in a marriage..
And there are times when we feel..
..that we cannot go on together
..that everything that we built was in vain
..that the love we had in our hearts has evaporated in thin air
..that all that we felt for each other was momentary
..and that whatever we say to each other in anger in reality
But what we fail to realise is..
..that anger is a part of our love for each other
..that we fight cause we care
..that all of it is momentary
..that the root of our anger is our love
..that when tears flow and when we cool down,
all else will be gone
except what we feel for each other..
..the love, the passion and the longing.
We forget that even the best marriages,
have gone through rough seas.
And that they have lasted so long,
only because they fought and then made up.
And that over the years, they realised,
that no matter how much they fight,
their love will not fade away.
I know now that
love will last
only when we last as a couple.
I might be angry, I might cause pain
but I promise you, I will be there..
..for you, with you, forever..

Your Dead Soul

How will this pain go..?
How will this wound heal..?
you don't know what it is, you don't know how I feel..

you said you will stand by me forever
so when I needed you to the most, why were you not there

you said you have always fought for me
so when you should have, why did you not fight for me

you said you would always protect me
so when you should have been my Armour, why did you flee

you said you will be with me no matter what
so when you should have been beside me, why were you not

you said you would never let me down
so when I was looking up to you, why did you let me become a clown

I will stay if I want to, I will leave if I must
but how will I get back my trust

You broke my heart, you let me down
I will still stay with you, even if its with a frown

I will suffer, I will die each day
and for you to come back, each day I shall pray

I was meant to look after you, I was meant to protect you
I will do so till I die
so what if you flew
even when you knew I needed you

I condole
the death of your soul..

I miss you

I miss you..
I miss our playful banter
and everything that you used to share with me
I miss listening to you and talking to you
and the way you always looked at me
I miss your touch
and the passion in your eyes that gave me shivers
I miss your talk
through your eyes from across the room
I miss me talking back to you the same way
There was never a thing you missed talking to me about
I was your only friend I thought
I miss being your friend
and the way we shared everything
what do I do now
where do I go
will I have to live my life
without you
please come back to me
and come back just the way you always were
I don't just want your presence
I want the whole you
I want to be a part of everything
that you do
Oh what do I do
where do I go
I hate this helplessness
I don't want another friend
I want you
cause I miss you..

An Open Cage

Life seems like a cage
doors open
for me to fly and be free
but I dont know what is stopping me
I am tied with invisible bonds
Oh so emotional
of the people I am so fond
Happy being tied, but fighting to be free
but I cant flee,
oh I cant flee..

My Friend ; My Confidante

My friend, my confidante,
forgive me if I've hurt you
or ignored you
please understand that
I am human too
You are the only one
who I can be myself with
You are the only one
who I can, without any fear
live with
Your presence in my life
is the only one thing
that keeps me going
I may not say it
I may not always express it
but I do hope
you know it deep within
how I feel about it
My friend, my confidante
I shall always be there for you
no matter what
Believe me
Trust me
for there is not anything
more important in this world
to me, than that.

Divorce - what it spells for a woman

"Divorced", this word is still a taboo in India. But despite that, more and more women are getting divorced each day. For different reasons, known and unknown. Judged about their rectitude and erroneousness, by self-appointed arbitrators.

Whatever the reason, whether someone chooses to agree or not, divorce does throw a woman into a deep concavity of isolation and despair. Some women tackle it by displaying ingrained strength and some by manifesting deep seated weakness. You might say that it cannot be as black and white as that. Well, it is so, like it or not.

I would not like to talk about women who cannot emerge out of their miseries. They choose to be what they want to be.

Instead, lets talk about those women, who, even if deeply scarred, emerge as women of substance. We need not look at media files, to know such women. We see them in everyday life. Here and there. Almost everywhere.

Who are these women and why they, unlike their counterparts, choose to rise despite their fall. Well, the answer lies in the word "choose". They choose to be happy, they choose to make something of their lives and last but not the least, they choose to feel worthy.

I have a maid, who lives with her husband - a perpetual drunkard, and two teenage kids. Her husband is of no help to her, whether in earning a remuneration, nor in looking after home and the kids. She did not give him a divorce. Instead, she chose to set out and gather her life for the sake of herself and her kids. She is a domestic help to many a family, to enable her children to attain education and thus have better lives. I am sure, her children must be immensely proud of their mother. In my opinion, she is a paladin.

And...there are hundreds more like her. They live with people they cannot live with or choose to let go of them, or sometimes, as in a country like mine, they are thrown out by their so called life partners. What ever be the case, they move on. No media hype, no publicity, no rewards... these women, have nothing but their inner strength as their only console. They march ahead in life, much like our soldiers who know the outcome of war, but still choose to fight, for their country, for their family.

I, through this post, wish to salute all such women. They are heroes for me. Real heroes. Standing like a rock in the rough seas of their life... They are like Gold, shining bright after being thrown into fire.

Mera Kuch Saamaan Lautado

A song which I heard this morning and which brings tears to my eyes each time I hear it. And I thought I had no more emotions left inside me....!

These days the more I think about finding a rational meaning of Love, the more I feel lost. I do miss the butterflies in my stomach when I was a teenager and in love and the way my heart used to beat. I am sure my pulse rate was at its peak each time I saw him.....and increasing each day.

But, was that 'Love'....?

I dont know... All I know is that love exists where premonitions and expectations don’t. It’s the only formula. Acceptance is the key. Why is it so hard for us to accept the other person as he or she is? Is it because we keep judging and setting standards? Why cannot we live like a river? Its job is to flow and so is ours. Does it bother about which mountain it has fallen from or which stone it is going to flow on? All it does is be merry. All it does is live each drop.

Hey people, let us learn to flow. That is when we will reach the ‘oceans’ of our lives as fast as possible and find glory in the vastness of it.