IRONY OF RELATIONSHIPS

In relationships of blood

or of love and affection

We all want to feel important and needed

and yet

we seldom give out what we expect..

Why does it become so hard

to give what we want?

Especially when we know

clearly and

precisely what it is..

How big can our ego's get?

that we let down

the people who matter so much

they who deserve

our attention and importance the most..

The Importance of Communicating through silence..

'Communication', an all too common word. Each of us knowing its importance and yet none of us knowing its true worth. And our assumption that its only about expressing through words...

I have been a very expressive human being all my life. Expressive through words, that is. And someone, who never knew the importance of communicating through silence..

Silence, when appropriate, says much more than a thousand words. I have realized it truly is 'Golden'. When we are hurt - we don't need words, our tears speak, when we are angry - we don't need words, our eyes speak, when we are happy - we don't need words, our smile speaks..and yet, we feel this urge to put it all in words...words, which form due to our perspective of the situation, and spill out without thinking or understanding the other persons point of view..and spoil everything..and most importantly, cannot be taken back..

Silence, on the other hand, does express our feelings according to the situation, without hurting the other person. Silence, might hurt, but need not be taken back. Silence, gives out a thousand messages, depending on what the other person wants to feel. Silence conveys what needs to be conveyed, especially feelings of hurt, anger or emotional disturbance..without piercing the other person's heart with 'words'.

This certainly does not mean that communicating through words is not important. Sometimes what we express through silence is not just enough. And at that point of time, it becomes important that we express ourselves through words. But that should be done when the situation passes..when we are not emotionally charged to spill out words...when we become calm and composed..when our emotions are not in control, but rather we are in control of our emotions...that is when we should be using 'words' to communicate..

I do not know whether I have successfully communicated what I have wanted to..but then..(silence has taken over..:-))

Compass or Clock? Stephen Covey, Roger Merrill and Rebecca Merrill

Our struggle to put first things first can be characterized by the contrast between two powerful tools that direct us : The Clock and The Compass.

The Clock represents our commitments, appointments, schedules, goals, activities-what we do with and how we manage our time.. The Compass represents our vision, values, principles, mission, conscience, direction-what we feel is important and how we lead our lives.

The struggles comes when we sense a gap between the clock and the
compass-when what we do doesn’t contribute to what is most important in our lives.

For some of us, the pain of the gap is intense. We can’t seem to walk our talk. We feel trapped, controlled by other people or situations. We are always responding to crises. We’re constantly caught up in ‘the thick of thin things’ -putting out fires and never making time to do what we know would make a difference. We feel as though our lives are being lived for us.

For others of us , the pain is a vague discomfort. We just can’t get what we feel we should do , what we want to do and what we actually do all together. We are caught in dilemmas. We feel so guilty over what we’re not doing, we can’t enjoy what we do.

Some of us feel empty. We’ve defined happiness solely in terms of
professional or financial achievement, and we find that our `success` did not bring us the satisfaction we thought it would. We’ve painstakingly climbed the ‘ladder of success’ rung by rung-the diploma, the late nights, the promotions-only to discover as we reached the top rung that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall. Absorbed in the ascent, we’ve left a trail of shattered relationships or missed moments of deep, rich living in the wake of the intense, overfocused effort. In our race up the rungs, we simply did not take time to do what really mattered most.

Others of us feel disoriented or confused. We have no real sense of what ‘fist things’ are. We move one activity to another on automatic. Life is mechanical. Once in a while, we wonder if there is any meaning in our doing.

Some of us know we’re out of balance, but we don’t have confidence in other alternatives. Or we feel the cost of change is too high. Or we’re afraid to try. It’s easier to just live with the imbalance.

WAKE UP CALLS

We may be brought to an awareness of this gap in a dramatic way. A loved one dies. Suddenly she’s gone and we see the stark reality of what could have been , but wasn’t, because we were too busy climbing ‘the ladder of success’ to cherish and nurture a deeply satisfying relationship.

We may find out our teenage son is on drugs. Pictures flood our minds-times we could have spent through the years, doing things together, sharing, building the relationship… ..but didn’t because we were too busy earning a living , making the right connections, or simply the newspaper.

The company is downsizing and our job’s on the line. Or our doctor tells us we have just a few months to live. Or our marriage is threatened by divorce. Some crisis brings us to an awareness that what we’re doing with our time and what we feel is deeply important don’t match.

In the absence of such ‘wake-up calls’, many of us never really confront critical issues of life. Instead of looking our deep chronic causes, we look for quick-fix Band-Aids and aspirin to treat the acute pain. Fortified by temporary relief, we get busier and busier doing ‘good’ things and never even stop to ask ourselves if what we are doing really matters most.

Zindagee..

Zindagee kaanton ka bichauna sahi

jahan kaante, phool bhi to hote hain wahin

baat sirf apne apne ehsaas ki hai

baat pate ki, lekin yeh baat raaz ki hai

dard kaanton ka hote hue

phoolon ki khushboo jisko mile

usne jaana raaz zindagee ka

ki jeene ka bas yehi sahi tareeka..

My heart bleeds..

My heart bleeds when you speak to another
of what you feel

My heart bleeds when you look at another
and say a thousand words

My heart bleeds when you embrace another
and give away your warmth

My heart bleeds when you think of another
and wander away

My heart bleeds when you want another
and not me

I am not selfish
and even when I am treated like this
I shall pray for you
May all that you want come true

I thought I was irreplaceable in your life
but you slashed my belief
when you cheated on me
giving me immense grief

I wish to live with you
till the time either of us would live
I wish to love you
till I perish I would give

My love for you
will never die my love
but how do I live
when you said you want to move

Life has to go on
and I shall not stop living
but I feel so forlorn
my life just has no meaning

Your heart wanders
to find greener pastures
and my heart hallucinates
for the green in the togetherness of our fates..

I still remember..

I still remember

the time

When you shared Your life with me

I still remember

the time

When you cared,

And found your solace with me

I still remember

the time

When you bared Your soul to me

And now..

I would have to remember

When you went around

Finding solace in someone else

I would have to remember

When you went around

Finding someone to complain about me

I would have to remember

When you went around

Asking someone else to hug you

Oh God! What do I do?

How do I erase what I always felt for you?

How do I bear this pain?

I loved you so much, was I insane?

Why did you do this to me?

Was my love so difficult for you to see?

Tell me..

How do I hate you?

How do I forgive you?

How do I forget you?

How do I NOT LOVE YOU?

Marriage

We go through many ups and downs
in a marriage..
And there are times when we feel..
..that we cannot go on together
..that everything that we built was in vain
..that the love we had in our hearts has evaporated in thin air
..that all that we felt for each other was momentary
..and that whatever we say to each other in anger in reality
But what we fail to realise is..
..that anger is a part of our love for each other
..that we fight cause we care
..that all of it is momentary
..that the root of our anger is our love
..that when tears flow and when we cool down,
all else will be gone
except what we feel for each other..
..the love, the passion and the longing.
We forget that even the best marriages,
have gone through rough seas.
And that they have lasted so long,
only because they fought and then made up.
And that over the years, they realised,
that no matter how much they fight,
their love will not fade away.
I know now that
love will last
only when we last as a couple.
I might be angry, I might cause pain
but I promise you, I will be there..
..for you, with you, forever..

Your Dead Soul

How will this pain go..?
How will this wound heal..?
you don't know what it is, you don't know how I feel..

you said you will stand by me forever
so when I needed you to the most, why were you not there

you said you have always fought for me
so when you should have, why did you not fight for me

you said you would always protect me
so when you should have been my Armour, why did you flee

you said you will be with me no matter what
so when you should have been beside me, why were you not

you said you would never let me down
so when I was looking up to you, why did you let me become a clown

I will stay if I want to, I will leave if I must
but how will I get back my trust

You broke my heart, you let me down
I will still stay with you, even if its with a frown

I will suffer, I will die each day
and for you to come back, each day I shall pray

I was meant to look after you, I was meant to protect you
I will do so till I die
so what if you flew
even when you knew I needed you

I condole
the death of your soul..

I miss you

I miss you..
I miss our playful banter
and everything that you used to share with me
I miss listening to you and talking to you
and the way you always looked at me
I miss your touch
and the passion in your eyes that gave me shivers
I miss your talk
through your eyes from across the room
I miss me talking back to you the same way
There was never a thing you missed talking to me about
I was your only friend I thought
I miss being your friend
and the way we shared everything
what do I do now
where do I go
will I have to live my life
without you
please come back to me
and come back just the way you always were
I don't just want your presence
I want the whole you
I want to be a part of everything
that you do
Oh what do I do
where do I go
I hate this helplessness
I don't want another friend
I want you
cause I miss you..

An Open Cage

Life seems like a cage
doors open
for me to fly and be free
but I dont know what is stopping me
I am tied with invisible bonds
Oh so emotional
of the people I am so fond
Happy being tied, but fighting to be free
but I cant flee,
oh I cant flee..

My Friend ; My Confidante

My friend, my confidante,
forgive me if I've hurt you
or ignored you
please understand that
I am human too
You are the only one
who I can be myself with
You are the only one
who I can, without any fear
live with
Your presence in my life
is the only one thing
that keeps me going
I may not say it
I may not always express it
but I do hope
you know it deep within
how I feel about it
My friend, my confidante
I shall always be there for you
no matter what
Believe me
Trust me
for there is not anything
more important in this world
to me, than that.

Divorce - what it spells for a woman

"Divorced", this word is still a taboo in India. But despite that, more and more women are getting divorced each day. For different reasons, known and unknown. Judged about their rectitude and erroneousness, by self-appointed arbitrators.

Whatever the reason, whether someone chooses to agree or not, divorce does throw a woman into a deep concavity of isolation and despair. Some women tackle it by displaying ingrained strength and some by manifesting deep seated weakness. You might say that it cannot be as black and white as that. Well, it is so, like it or not.

I would not like to talk about women who cannot emerge out of their miseries. They choose to be what they want to be.

Instead, lets talk about those women, who, even if deeply scarred, emerge as women of substance. We need not look at media files, to know such women. We see them in everyday life. Here and there. Almost everywhere.

Who are these women and why they, unlike their counterparts, choose to rise despite their fall. Well, the answer lies in the word "choose". They choose to be happy, they choose to make something of their lives and last but not the least, they choose to feel worthy.

I have a maid, who lives with her husband - a perpetual drunkard, and two teenage kids. Her husband is of no help to her, whether in earning a remuneration, nor in looking after home and the kids. She did not give him a divorce. Instead, she chose to set out and gather her life for the sake of herself and her kids. She is a domestic help to many a family, to enable her children to attain education and thus have better lives. I am sure, her children must be immensely proud of their mother. In my opinion, she is a paladin.

And...there are hundreds more like her. They live with people they cannot live with or choose to let go of them, or sometimes, as in a country like mine, they are thrown out by their so called life partners. What ever be the case, they move on. No media hype, no publicity, no rewards... these women, have nothing but their inner strength as their only console. They march ahead in life, much like our soldiers who know the outcome of war, but still choose to fight, for their country, for their family.

I, through this post, wish to salute all such women. They are heroes for me. Real heroes. Standing like a rock in the rough seas of their life... They are like Gold, shining bright after being thrown into fire.

Mera Kuch Saamaan Lautado

A song which I heard this morning and which brings tears to my eyes each time I hear it. And I thought I had no more emotions left inside me....!

These days the more I think about finding a rational meaning of Love, the more I feel lost. I do miss the butterflies in my stomach when I was a teenager and in love and the way my heart used to beat. I am sure my pulse rate was at its peak each time I saw him.....and increasing each day.

But, was that 'Love'....?

I dont know... All I know is that love exists where premonitions and expectations don’t. It’s the only formula. Acceptance is the key. Why is it so hard for us to accept the other person as he or she is? Is it because we keep judging and setting standards? Why cannot we live like a river? Its job is to flow and so is ours. Does it bother about which mountain it has fallen from or which stone it is going to flow on? All it does is be merry. All it does is live each drop.

Hey people, let us learn to flow. That is when we will reach the ‘oceans’ of our lives as fast as possible and find glory in the vastness of it.

PASSION

I recently met a very old friend. In reality, he is my childhood friend's husband. But then, he also is a friend to many. And I am one of them.

Here is one person I have known, who, without any prejudices or being judging, takes you as a friend, as you are. He, like my childhood friend, almost knows everything about me. And believe me when I say, that the best of your friends, that the oldest of your friends, that the nicest of your friends, that the most trustworthy of your friends, will pass a judgement on the events of your life, or put you in a category, or simply WILL write you out of their lives due to what has happened in your life. But here, is a couple who I have great respect for, for who they are, and for their acceptance of the people for themselves rather than for the occurances in their lives.

Every human has to live different phases in their lives. And I have just begun a new phase of living. I have so much to do. And I do not know where to start. On one hand, there is a career to be pursued, and on the other, a life to be lived to its fullest. On one hand, a child has to be brought up in the so called 'balanced' manner, and on the other, aged parents to be made to feel cared for and loved. On one hand, life passes by in the daily grind, and on the other, I need to take hold of it so that it does not go away uneventful. So much to do. So little time.

I asked him his thoughts on the same. He took a minute to reply, but his reply changed my way of living. He said, live everything with passion. Hey, haven't I heard that before, I thought. Well, yes, we all have heard it before. And yet again, like everything else, we ignored the 'passion' part of it. Oh yes, we heard it. But did we really listen? Where was the passion? If we would have heard it with passion, then we would have listened to what was behind it. That is what he meant. And when I heard it with passion, I understood it. He simply meant - EVERYTHING THAT WE WANT TO DO IN LIFE, WE GOT TO GIVE IT OUR ALL. That means, do not expect anything. Just do what you need to do with all your heart and soul. Just give it everything you have. Whether you pass in it or you fail, one thing is for sure, you are satisfied that you did what you could. You gave it your best.

And that, my friends, is the way we all need to live. No matter what the task ahead is. Even the way we breath. How many of us, even for a minute, put all our attention, on how we breathe. Just because it is something that is going to be happening till end of our lives, we totally take it for granted. Do we realise that breathing is the most important task of our lives. Where is the passion when we breathe? Its never there. And when we are so dispassionate of something so important, it becomes obvious that even though we know the importance of passion, we hardly have it for anything.

And because we are so dispassionate, we are so unhappy. We love less, we listen less, we do less, we work less and most of all we live less.

Thank you friend for telling me something I always knew but never understood..God bless you!!

LIFE - THE WAY ITS TO BE LIVED

We live our lives in phases

chasing dreams

not knowing the difference

between our wants

and our needs

Along the way

we hurt and get hurt

expect and fulfill expectations

idealise

strengthen or lose our faiths

either looking at life with a holistic eye

or be stuck in life's weeds

And as destiny desires

we find our share

of happiness and agony

of love and betrayal

or success and failure

and most important

of what our souls feed on and breed

And when twilight comes

and when life is about to set

we see the ultimate truth

that we have in fact

only reaped 

what we have sown as a seed

And so it becomes obvious

that happiness

does not mean possessing

but means letting go

that it comes from within

no matter what you are going through

He who lives this way

has lived his life indeed

Ek sher likha hai

Andheron se nikalne ki chaah na ho

to savera haath kaise aayega

Gumshuda zindagee takdeer nahin

jo tu chahega wahi tu paayega

Khushi ko apnee tu aadat banaa le

ghamon se bhi iske lamhe chura le

Kaun hai aisa jisko takleefain nahin

jee bhar ke jeene to apni ibaadat banaa le

Gar tera koi saathi nahin to gham na kar

apne andar ki mohabbat ko kam na kar

Kisi ek se mohabbat to sabhi karte hain

tu sab se pyar karne ka dam bhar

Waqt nahin rukta kabhi kisi ki khatir

Apni hee raftaar se chalta hai woh

Aaj main hi kar le woh jo karna chaahe tu

jaate hue pal kabhi na aayenge phir

THIS IS HOW I LIVE MY LIFE...WHAT'S YOUR CHOICE

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin colour will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

-writer unknown

A TRUE STORY

After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified into ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of the impending disaster, had carried her offspirng to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that toxic smoke would soon rise. She could have flown to safety, but had refused to abandon her babies. When the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast. She had been willing to die, so that those under the cover of her wings would live.

Is there a lesson here for you and for me? 

LIFE - AS I SEE IT RIGHT NOW..

There is no human on earth who is free of problems. And I am one such human. 

However, as much as I have experienced life, here is what I have realised. We as humans have a tendency to look at everything, especially our troubles, through a powerful  magnifying glass. And therefore, every small problem we have, seems huge, almost demon-like. If we were to take our problems like a pebble, and hold that pebble right up close to our eyes, it will even cover the sun from our vision. But if we were to hold the same pebble away from our eyes, it is just a small pebble and nothing else. Problems, when viewed in the background and context of our blessings, are mere challenges to be faced and to be overcome; but when we view them in isolation, they seem unsurmountable.

I, for one, am choosing to live my life to the fullest and walk on smiling, despite all the pebbles on my way. And my advice to everyone who wants to take it, is, take these pebbles in your stride, and they shall become your best friends...!!

I SHALL ALWAYS COUNT MY BLESSINGS AND NEVER MY TROUBLES

When I asked God for strength

He gave me difficult situations to face.

When I asked God for brain and brawn

He gave me puzzles in life to solve.

When I asked God for happiness

He showed me some unhappy people.

When I asked God for wealth

He showed me how to work hard.

When I asked God for favours

He showed me opportunities to grab.

When I asked God for peace

He showed me how to help others.

God gave me nothing I wanted

He gave me everything I needed.

-Swami Vivekananda

Slumdog Millionaire - My perspective

Quite A well made movie.....but certain points are worth a dekko.

Slum dog millionaire...

With everyone singing praises to Mr. Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire, let me offer a different perspective.

This film targets the easiest of targets: the ever placid Hindu. The hero is, of course, a Muslim in India, whose mother is burned to death by an attack on Muslims by barbaric, fanatical Hindu mobs. No need for subtlety in either dialogue or depiction here; the Hindu mob says: "They are Muslims. Let us hit them," and the hapless Muslims cry as they flee in terror: "The Hindus are coming! The Hindus are coming."

To make sure his point about Hindu devilry is not missed, director Boyle has a shot of a child dressed as Rama, one of Hinduism's most cherished gods. Imagine the outcry that would have resulted if Boyle had reversed the above: i.e., had a shot of a child dressed as prophet Mohammed or Jesus as Muslims/Christians hurried off to persecute members of another faith! But since Hindus seem oblivious to any and every insult, Boyle has not only gotten away with his blasphemies, but seems well on his way to awards and accolades.

The sledgehammer hits against Hindus and Hinduism does not end there. On the TV show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, the Muslim hero is asked a question by the TV host: "What weapons does Lord Rama bear in his hands?" Our Muslim hero answers: "If there was no Rama, my mother would have been alive." Again, imagine the outcry that would have resulted if the hero was a Hindu from Kashmir (Islamic terrorism has almost wiped out the Hindu population in Kashmir) and he had said: "If there was no Allah, my mother would be alive."

All said and done.. hope Mr. A.R. Rehmaan gets the Oscar ..though we in India know that he has composed finer music ..far superior to the scores in this film.